Dear Ms. Cheetokisses,
I am thrilled to hear of your interest. In response to your questions I’d like to add the following regarding my work philosophy:I was primarily trained in the school of “useless exercises created to crush your soul, numb your brain and send you into a bout of depression induced binge eating and napping”. [...]

That armadillo sure knows how to make an entrance.

Dear Failure as a student,
I am writing to inform you of my availability to participate in mutual failure on this day, the 16th of May, 2010. As a failed student myself, my skills include the following:
~An inability to wake up before 4pm
~The ability to stare blankly at the computer screen for up to 8 hours [...]

Well its happened. I’m bored. After 2 weeks of waiting for my student loans to come in and having to replace a bulb Zoya the great broke during one of her adventures in mountain climbing…

I’ve got no money so I can’t really leave the campus. So this has lead to my many fantastic attempts [...]