The majority of us graduate students, particularly those that devote their lives to research and academia, have something a bit off about them. Now I say off in the kindest possible way. I find that many of us fluctuate between deep states of depression and anxiety and moments in which we ascribe a levity to our feelings that can only be described as the sense of humor of someone about to experience a psychotic break. This isn’t a new concept. There is quite a bit of empirical evidence on the correlation between depression and graduate school. Take a look at these articles.
Study Reveals Graduate Students Prone to Depression
Depression and Graduate School: A Slide Show
Grad School Fosters Depression; How to Fight It
I hesitate to say that we all have a psychopathology of some sort, diagnosed or not. The same psychopathology that makes us successful researchers and academics, draws us further into a narrow world that most can’t understand and exist in. This manifests itself in several ways. There’s the drinker, the player, the power monger, the hermit, the cynic and the comedian. We’re not all of the same crazy you see. All in all, however, these different manifestations make for extra interesting conferences.
Don’t get me wrong. I can’t imagine myself anywhere but the world of academia. Its insanity but its the mental ward I know. I wonder at the same time if these are simply compounded psychopathologies developed throughout our life. Those that provide us with the perspective through which academia is a necessary means to communicate our thoughts. We focus on it as an idea, an outlet, and upon arrival find ourselves left with not much more than work and potentially a large case of impostors syndrome to add to the mix. Impostors syndrome is one that deserves its own entry so I’ll leave it at that.
I think I was almost lucky to have been forced to embrace my own psychopathology early. Extenuating circumstances made it so. At the same time, moving into the world of academia held a likeness to the movie ‘running with scissors’ that I thought only my childhood could. Perhaps it was my University, not a big name school and not much funding. Or perhaps it was the Program, unorganized and confused as to the definition of interdisciplinary. Or maybe it was the faculty, with their inferiority complexes and overcompensation in ways that have little to do with publishing. Or maybe it is just a graduate school universal, I can’t be sure (though its likely the later).
One isn’t capable or willing to be so focused and isolated for no reason. Its socially acceptable self destructive behavior that leads to a combination of symptoms that is simply seen as a normal response to pressure. I equate it with high functioning alcoholism. Friends and family watch us self destruct, go broke, socially isolate, alienate loved ones, and horde papers, but figure we find it worth it for the status or what not that comes with a post graduate degree. I suppose I am wondering if thats actually the case. Are we all really just in need of an intervention?
and for the friend that prompted this post: The Grad Student Crisis Line